-by Francene Gillis
At the beginning of this column I was going to create a dialogue or situation to bring home an example or examples of bullying, but anyone who has been bullied knows the pain and hurt, and I did not want to re-create that feeling in anyone, as the effects of bullying stay with the person/victim for a very long time as he or she struggles to move past it. I say struggle because it is not easy especially if the person or people who did the bullying is/are going to be seen on a day to day basis, or on every other day. That's when the pain is relived making it difficult to get over, as seeing the person/people involved causes the hurt and abuse to resurface. Luckily things are being done especially to help students who are bullied, but what is being done to help adults who are bullied or attacked, especially adults in the workplace? There, lives too are being affected and sometimes destroyed.
The title of this column was taken from a website called pinkday.ca. which pretty much sums up the fact that we are all human, and how others treat us definitely has an effect on us, and we need to learn to be accountable for our own actions. Other words or phrases popping off the home page included: every day is pink day, it is time to stand up to bullying, Act now.
This past week some schools across the province held an anti-bullying day/campaign where students and staff wore pink as a symbolic way of saying that they were against bullying of any kind. The dress in pink campaign is a followup to former Nova Scotia high school students who started a pink T-shirt campaign to combat bullying. Seven years ago, Travis Price and David Shepherd urged students at their school to wear pink T-shirts in defiance of bullies who had harassed a younger boy the day before for wearing pink. The story as told by CBC:
Two Nova Scotia students are being praised across North America for the way they turned the tide against the bullies who picked on a fellow student for wearing pink. The victim was a Grade 9 boy at Central Kings Rural High School in the small community of Cambridge who wore a pink polo shirt on his first day of school. Bullies harassed the boy, called him a homosexual for wearing pink and threatened to beat him up, students said.
(The then) Two grade 12 students heard the news and decided to take action. "I just figured enough was enough," said Shepherd. They went to a nearby discount store and bought 50 pink shirts, including tank tops, to wear to school the next day. Then the two went online to e-mail classmates to get them on board with their anti-bullying cause that they dubbed a "sea of pink." A tsunami of support poured in the next day. Not only were dozens of students outfitted with the discount tees, but hundreds of students showed up wearing their own pink clothes, some head-to-toe.
When the bullied student, who has never been identified, walked into school to see his fellow students decked out in pink, some of his classmates said it was a powerful moment. He may have even blushed a little.
"Definitely it looked like there was a big weight lifted off his shoulders. He went from looking right depressed to being as happy as can be," said Shepherd.
And there's been nary a peep from the bullies since, which Shepherd says just goes to show what a little activism will do. (CBC News,September 18th, 2007).
The program spread to many schools across the province, and in 2013 Price created a webpage, www.pinkday.ca to spread the word and find even wider acceptance. The site includes connections to anti-bullying programs designed for young people and parents by the Canadian Red Cross.
Across Canada different days are selected to show that bullying is very wrong, and that something needs to be done about it. Luckily heads have turned and most people are coming on board and saying enough is enough and they are being educated on how we should be treating each other as well as being informed in relation to what bullying is, as it does come in a master of disguises.
In the last five years, and especially the last three, a great deal has been put in place by the Nova Scotia government, and a specific task force has been setup to help parents, victims, schools, and workplaces deal with the onslaught of bullying especially as it pertains to Cyberbullying. Much of the reaction and activism has been the result of several unfortunate and devastating teenage suicides which were in some way linked to bullying. A most comprehensive website designed by the Nova Scotia government filled with resources, tools, help, and outside links can be easily accessed at antibullying novascotia.ca. From their website:
In May 2011, the province appointed a task force to look at the issue of bullying and cyberbullying in Nova Scotia. The task force engaged the public through focus groups, online surveys, public forums, and presentations. In March 2012, the task force submitted a report called Respectful and Responsible Relationships, There’s No App for That. The report contains 85 recommendations. The task force’s report has guided the creation of the province’s Speak Up action plan to address bullying and cyberbullying behaviour.
April 15th, 2015, has been designated the International Day of Pink against Bullying, Discrimination, Homophobia, and Transphobia across the world. All are invited to celebrate diversity by wearing a pink shirt and by organizing activities in their workplaces, schools and communities.
So good things are definitely being done, but most focus on the school system; adults too are being bullied and sometimes in the most unlikely of places, and guess what – they have feelings too.
People bullying outside the internet through comments and intent to destroy another's self-confidence is still happening, and sometimes it is right under our noses. No one has the right to attack another by intentionally belittling them, intimidating them, making false accusations, or spreading slander. In fact, that goes beyond bullying, and those people need to be held accountable, especially if their actions have longterm effects on the person or people being attacked. Attacked may sound like a strong word, but when someone rants or rambles on and on in an attempt to make another feel bad, purposefully destroy their confidence, or demean their work, then that is bullying; and if intentionally unfounded, cruel, belittling words are spoken to others, then slander may be involved. Simply stated it is not right, and there need to be consequences.
According to the Nova Scotia Anti-bullying website: "Bullying is when someone repeatedly tries to hurt another person’s body, feelings, self-esteem, reputation, or property. Helping or encouraging someone to bully another person is also bullying."
I would like to take exception to the word repeatedly and say that sometimes bullying occurs even in one setting or in one exchange; sometimes a single attack can have the same terrible, devastating, lasting effects, and to me that is also bullying. Any single instance where someone attacks someone else in an attempt to belittle, hurt, or destroy their self-esteem is bullying, even if it is not repeated. That one single instant can ruin a person's confidence, wellbeing, reputation when carried outside, leave him or her reeling, and unable to carry on, especially if the attack is never resolved.
Imagine if this is done in the workplace. How are co-workers supposed to work together if hostility or an attack has taken place, especially if there is no resolution? There are laws against sexual harassment in the work place, but what about verbal abuse? Is there an avenue for people to take if they have been verbally attacked in some way? How can a boss or employer expect two people involved in a confrontation to collaborate? How can trust be attained? If the attack is brought to the boss, does that mean that the attacker should be fired? Or should some punitive action be put in place to resolve the issue?
And how are the two employees expected to co-exist if an attack has occurred and nothing is done to resolve it? If nothing is done, no apologies made, no punitive action taken, chances are over time, the victim is the one who will terminate his or her employment, and move on to another place of employment because of the stress caused by seeing the attacker every day and nothing being done about it. What ever happened to an employer's responsibility for making sure all employees feel safe in the workplace? Does that only apply to one's physical wellbeing? What about their mental and emotional wellbeing? Should there not be someone looking out for that as well? Once again the victim is victimized and the bully left to possibly do the same to other people. That quite simply is unfair and needs to be changed.
Perhaps an adult campaign needs to be put in place. Even though we think adults would or should know better, adult bullying does occur and it too should not be tolerated. Adults guilty of bullying should be made accountable when they attack a person's very livelihood, sense of self, choices or values. As the anti-bullying website states: "Bullying hurts. It can reduce engagement, reduce productivity, and reduce quality of life. People who are bullied can be left feeling vulnerable and alone."
So what's going to be done about it? We have made giant strides with youth; perhaps it is now time to put in place those same avenues for adults. It is not uncommon to hear adult employers, employees and adults reiterate, I have feelings too.
